Posted in E-News on 19. Jul, 2012
13 Worst-Ever Movie Taglines
(Inspired by the Dark Knight’s Stinker)
â€śTalking Just Causes Witnessesâ€ť
Movie:Â Winterâ€™s Bone
Tagline: â€śTalking Just Causes Witnessesâ€ť
Arguably the worst tagline in history, this reads as if 1) itâ€™s perhaps missing a critical chunk of verbiage, e.g., â€śTalking Just Causes Witnesses to Die!â€ť or 2) as if the phrase was first written in English; was translated into another language; and was then clawed back into English by someone who had not slept for several days. And had a raging fever. And did not write English all that good.
Movie:Â Sex and the City 2
Tagline: â€śCarrie Onâ€ť
Calling this tagline lazy is an insult to indolent, halfhearted efforts everywhere. Beyond its obviously phoned-in quality, however, is the far more damning fact that it simply doesnâ€™t make sense, even as a pun. As a piece of advice to would-be moviegoers, on the other hand, itâ€™s solid: Carry on. Do not stop here. Keep going. Find another, better, funnier film to watch. It wonâ€™t be hard. Carry on. Carry on.
â€śNobody does it better â€¦ thirteen timesâ€ť
Tagline: â€śNobody does it better â€¦ thirteen timesâ€ť
Wait. What? Who does it better, thirteen times? Or has someone else done it terribly, thirteen times? Or does someone do it better, when doing it once, than others who do it thirteen times? Look: Itâ€™s the thirteenth Bond film, and its title is Octopussy. Does this movie even need a tagline?
â€śGreat Things Come in Bearsâ€ť
Movie:Â Yogi Bear
Tagline: â€śGreat Things Come in Bearsâ€ť
â€śHis Trigger Has All the Answersâ€ť
Movie:Â Raw Deal
Tagline: â€śHis Trigger Has All the Answersâ€ť
The implication that a gunâ€™s trigger is smarter than Arnold Schwarzenegger â€” well, smarter than his character, anyway â€” actually makes the movie sound far more entertaining than it really is. In truth, the trigger in question isnâ€™t all that bright. Itâ€™s just impulsive.
â€śLaugh. Cry. Share the pants.â€ť
Movie:Â Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Tagline: â€śLaugh. Cry. Share the pants.â€ť
Until the global economy absolutely, finally craters, the prospect of sharing pants has miniscule appeal.
â€śThe Impossible True Storyâ€ť
Tagline: â€śThe Impossible True Storyâ€ť
Secretariat was a great horse. Secretariat was a very good movie â€” far, far better than those other big, weepy equine entertainments of the past several years, like Seabiscuit and the bloodless, glacially paced War Horse. But this tagline is just silly. If it were phrased as a question â€” Can an impossible story be true? â€” it might qualify as a middling koan. As it stands, itâ€™s more like the sound of one marketing department flopping.
â€śTwo Agents. One City. No Merci.â€ť
Movie:Â From Paris With Love
Tagline: â€śTwo Agents. One City. No Merci.â€ť
Itâ€™s rare that a tagline so perfectly articulates why most moviegoers will not pay money to see the film.
â€śUnwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United Statesâ€ť
Movie:Â Day of the Dolphin
Tagline: â€śUnwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United Statesâ€ť
There are times when a straightforward, reportorial tagline might well be the best tactic for enticing potential moviegoers. This is not one of those times. The problem? The tagline refers to the unnamed, unknown â€śheâ€ť of the film â€” for the record, itâ€™s the formidable George C. Scott, playing a marine biologist/linguist who teaches dolphins to speak English in high-pitched dolphin-squeaky voices â€” instead of focusing attention on the real draw of the movie: a dolphin assassin. Repeat: a dolphin assassin!
â€śAt the Museum of Natural History, something unnatural is occurringâ€ť
Movie:Â Night at the Museum
Tagline: â€śAt the Museum of Natural History, something unnatural is occurringâ€ť
Occurring. Someone somewhere felt that using the word â€śoccurringâ€ť in a tagline for a family adventure-fantasy-comedy was a good idea. Can you imagine? If the word were an animal, it would be a sloth. It sounds like itâ€™s asleep. Why not â€śsomething unnatural is about to happenâ€ť? Or â€śsomething unnatural is about to go downâ€ť? Or â€śsomething unnatural this way comesâ€ť?
â€śTitans Will Clashâ€ť
Movie:Â Clash of the Titans
Tagline: â€śTitans Will Clashâ€ť
Simply awful â€” but marginally better than the tagline one suit reportedly argued for: â€śBigâ€™uns Will Tussle.â€ť
â€śHe stole the money â€¦ and heâ€™s not giving it backâ€ť
Movie:Â Kangaroo Jack
Tagline: â€śHe stole the money â€¦ and heâ€™s not giving it backâ€ť
Stolen money is rarely â€śgiven back,â€ť so the fact that Kangaroo Jack (a kangaroo, not a person with Hollywoodâ€™s idea of an Aussie nickname) is not giving it back is a weak peg on which to hang even as threadbare a film as this. But the real issue with this tagline is that it features what is arguably the most pointless deployment of an ellipsis â€¦ ever. It just â€¦ rankles. It really â€¦ does.
â€śYour Paranoia Is Realâ€ť
Movie: Arlington Road
Tagline: â€śYour Paranoia Is Realâ€ť
If theyâ€™re trying to tell us that our paranoia is warranted, or justified, thatâ€™s one thing. That might be information we can actually use. Being informed that our paranoia is â€śreal,â€ť on the other hand, is not helpful. We know our paranoia is real. Itâ€™s as real as the black helicopters and the flouride the Illuminati puts in our water to keep us from taking the Red Pill. Duh.
Credit & Thanks : time.com :