Worst-Ever Movie Taglines : aforadio.com
Posted in E-News on 19. Jul, 2012
13 Worst-Ever Movie Taglines
(Inspired by the Dark Knight’s Stinker)
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“Talking Just Causes Witnesses”
Movie: Winter’s Bone
Tagline: “Talking Just Causes Witnesses”
Arguably the worst tagline in history, this reads as if 1) it’s perhaps missing a critical chunk of verbiage, e.g., “Talking Just Causes Witnesses to Die!” or 2) as if the phrase was first written in English; was translated into another language; and was then clawed back into English by someone who had not slept for several days. And had a raging fever. And did not write English all that good.
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“Carrie On”
Movie:Â Sex and the City 2
Tagline: “Carrie On”
Calling this tagline lazy is an insult to indolent, halfhearted efforts everywhere. Beyond its obviously phoned-in quality, however, is the far more damning fact that it simply doesn’t make sense, even as a pun. As a piece of advice to would-be moviegoers, on the other hand, it’s solid: Carry on. Do not stop here. Keep going. Find another, better, funnier film to watch. It won’t be hard. Carry on. Carry on.
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“Nobody does it better … thirteen times”
Movie:Â Octopussy
Tagline: “Nobody does it better … thirteen times”
Wait. What? Who does it better, thirteen times? Or has someone else done it terribly, thirteen times? Or does someone do it better, when doing it once, than others who do it thirteen times? Look: It’s the thirteenth Bond film, and its title is Octopussy. Does this movie even need a tagline?
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“Great Things Come in Bears”
Movie:Â Yogi Bear
Tagline: “Great Things Come in Bears”
Ewww.
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“His Trigger Has All the Answers”
Movie:Â Raw Deal
Tagline: “His Trigger Has All the Answers”
The implication that a gun’s trigger is smarter than Arnold Schwarzenegger — well, smarter than his character, anyway — actually makes the movie sound far more entertaining than it really is. In truth, the trigger in question isn’t all that bright. It’s just impulsive.
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“Laugh. Cry. Share the pants.”
Movie:Â Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Tagline: “Laugh. Cry. Share the pants.”
Until the global economy absolutely, finally craters, the prospect of sharing pants has miniscule appeal.
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“The Impossible True Story”
Movie:Â Secretariat
Tagline: “The Impossible True Story”
Secretariat was a great horse. Secretariat was a very good movie — far, far better than those other big, weepy equine entertainments of the past several years, like Seabiscuit and the bloodless, glacially paced War Horse. But this tagline is just silly. If it were phrased as a question — Can an impossible story be true? — it might qualify as a middling koan. As it stands, it’s more like the sound of one marketing department flopping.
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“Two Agents. One City. No Merci.”
Movie:Â From Paris With Love
Tagline: “Two Agents. One City. No Merci.”
It’s rare that a tagline so perfectly articulates why most moviegoers will not pay money to see the film.
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“Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States”
Movie:Â Day of the Dolphin
Tagline: “Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States”
There are times when a straightforward, reportorial tagline might well be the best tactic for enticing potential moviegoers. This is not one of those times. The problem? The tagline refers to the unnamed, unknown “he” of the film — for the record, it’s the formidable George C. Scott, playing a marine biologist/linguist who teaches dolphins to speak English in high-pitched dolphin-squeaky voices — instead of focusing attention on the real draw of the movie: a dolphin assassin. Repeat: a dolphin assassin!
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“At the Museum of Natural History, something unnatural is occurring”
Movie:Â Night at the Museum
Tagline: “At the Museum of Natural History, something unnatural is occurring”
Occurring. Someone somewhere felt that using the word “occurring” in a tagline for a family adventure-fantasy-comedy was a good idea. Can you imagine? If the word were an animal, it would be a sloth. It sounds like it’s asleep. Why not “something unnatural is about to happen”? Or “something unnatural is about to go down”? Or “something unnatural this way comes”?
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“Titans Will Clash”
Movie:Â Clash of the Titans
Tagline: “Titans Will Clash”
Simply awful — but marginally better than the tagline one suit reportedly argued for: “Big’uns Will Tussle.”
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“He stole the money … and he’s not giving it back”
Movie:Â Kangaroo Jack
Tagline: “He stole the money … and he’s not giving it back”
Stolen money is rarely “given back,” so the fact that Kangaroo Jack (a kangaroo, not a person with Hollywood’s idea of an Aussie nickname) is not giving it back is a weak peg on which to hang even as threadbare a film as this. But the real issue with this tagline is that it features what is arguably the most pointless deployment of an ellipsis … ever. It just … rankles. It really … does.
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“Your Paranoia Is Real”
Movie: Arlington Road
Tagline: “Your Paranoia Is Real”
If they’re trying to tell us that our paranoia is warranted, or justified, that’s one thing. That might be information we can actually use. Being informed that our paranoia is “real,” on the other hand, is not helpful. We know our paranoia is real. It’s as real as the black helicopters and the flouride the Illuminati puts in our water to keep us from taking the Red Pill. Duh.
Credit & Thanks : time.com :
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